It’s What He Would’ve Wanted

How does Nick Ascroft regard himself? This is the question that pervades my mind on a reading of It’s What He Would’ve Wanted. Or perhaps contemplation is a more accurate word. The title’s eponymous poem gives voice to the writer’s supposed quandary: how important is he? Or, for that matter, his last wishes? Almost every set of lines in this poem expresses mutually exclusive reactions to the death we must all submit to. One of my favourites is: “If my funeral planner is reading this wondering what I would’ve wanted, appreciate that I would not have wanted a funeral planner.” There’s defiance too. “In life I was haunted by regret, so in death I will flip the roles and haunt it back.” I just hope our poet gets his final wish!

The Time I Shook Allen Curnow’s Huge Paw is a delightfully self-deprecating verse celebrating several brushes with famous literary figures. Aspiring poets may envy “and oh the time I talked at Keri Hulme.” Aspiring poets who disdain rhyme / may also come to realise / rhyme’s not actually out of time!

I can’t let Dire Diary go without a wince! A visit to the dental hygienist who ministers – albeit tenderly – to our poet’s gumline evokes memories of lost love, of desire, of love in general. But from love we go to courage. “It takes bravery to throw yourself at someone.” Though “I don’t mean my hygienist” keeps us on track. Take courage reader – Ascroft is urging you to!

He now lets loose with some vulgarity in Old Farts, excused perhaps by his reference to playing Scrabble, avowedly one of the poet’s more intellectual activities. More rhyming here – evidence that humour and rhyme make an effective combination. Vulgarity gives way to ribaldry in Synonyms for Vag – heads-up for a vocabulary lesson!

As a nod to today’s mundane world, one of Ascroft’s final poems constitutes an ironic lament for supermarket payment methods: Do You Wish to Continue? Yes please, Nick – and I hope this review is what you would’ve wanted!